Funny Christmas Sayings for the Hoe

43 Funny Christmas Quotes

Enjoy these funny Christmas quotes, may they bring a smile to your face. Share them with others to bring a laugh during a very hectic time of the year!

Christmas is a time of year we should feel peace and joy, but sometimes the business of the season causes us stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed, let these funny quotes give you a smile and a minute to relax. Happy Christmas to YOU!

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. Larry Wilde
Children
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck
Christmas Quotes
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. Bob Phillips
Christmas Message
It's good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas. Charles Dickens
Famous Quotes
At Christmas a man is at his finest towards the finish of the year;
he is almost what he should be when the Christmas seasons here. Edgar A Guest
Christmas Poems
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. Andy Rooney
Christmas Greetings
People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? Author Unknown
Funny Quotes
I wish that dear old Santa would take me for a ride;
I'd like to drive his reindeer and sit by Santa's side. Ovie Pedige Tanner, A Ride With Santa
Christmas Poems For Kids
He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree. Roy L Smith
Christmas Sayings
More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good. Linda Sunshine
Funny Sister Quotes
You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. Robert Paul
Age
In this age of instant coffee, overnight rush deliveries, and 30-second media sound bites, it's not surprising that children have discovered that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email. Patrick Flaherty
Progress
Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn't. Evan Esar
Problem
Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen? Jimmy Kimmel
Question
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. Andy Borowitz
Baby
Don't be a Scrooge, share your Christmas! Kate Summers
Sharing
Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge
Ideas
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning
Humor
No doubt about it, Santa is old fashioned. He is also an individualist. He goes his own way. He doesn't obey airport tower controllers or customs officials. Frank Miniter
Funny Quotes about Life
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. Author Unknown
Money
Just look at Christmas morning pictures if you want to see truly what a person looks like first thing in the morning. Catherine Pulsifer
Good Day Quotes
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases. Bridger Winegar
Friend
One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn�t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. J.K. Rowling, Author
Books
Ho, ho, ho - Cherry nose - Cap on head - Suit that's red - Special night - Beard that's white - Must be Santa Bob Dylan
Thought For The Day
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it white. Bing Crosby
Blessed Quotes
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm
Funny Proverbs
Keep Calm and Wait For Santa Author Unknown
Keep Calm
The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas. Robert Rivers
Cool Quotes
I am not sure Christmas is good for my health. After all the Christmas dinners and goodies, I end up looking like Santa Claus, with my bowl full of jelly. Theodore W. Higginsworth
Good
Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. Lenore Hershey
Top Ten Quotes about Books
You can just hear Santa saying Ho, Ho, Ho, when you receive your credit card statement in January. Kate Summers
Money
The older I get, the younger Santa Claus looks! Catherine Pulsifer
Birthday Quotes
I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. Theodore W. Higginsworth
Random
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Donald Yetter Gardner
Wishes Quotes
Do not listen to Mrs.Claus about the cookies. My cholesterol is fine. And I get plenty of exercise on Christmas Eve. Santa Claus; Amy Newmark, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Merry Christmas!
Health
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. Burton Hillis
Family Quotes
Christmas is here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up. Wendy Cope
Peace
Let's approach Christmas with an expectant hush, rather than a last-minute rush. Author Unknown
Attitude
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? Bob Hope
Love Quotes
Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends. Larry Wilde
Wealth
Santa's reindeer get around so fast because they have athletes feet. Art Linkletters collection of sayings of children, Kids Sure Are Funny
Christmas Poems
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Maya Angelou
Character
Instead of buying new cards each year, reuse old Christmas cards that you have been given. Get creative and funny, cross out the old sections of handwriting and add your own. Henry Owen, How to Have a Green Christmas
Creativity Quotes